Fun on Board!

As a public service and for the convenience of those who like to get a head start on their holiday shopping, I have compiled the following list of exciting new board games.

Archaeopoly – where you find treasures and remnants of past civilizations, then don’t show them to anyone.

Scrapple – word game in which you may only play words relating to pork offal, cornmeal and Philadelphia.

Chutes and Adders – an exciting game of up-and-down and back-and-forth; when you “chute down” you land in a pit of poisonous snakes. Great for teaching Little Ones the art of taking turns. Also of staying out of pits of poisonous snakes.

Leif – celebrating the circuitous life path of 70s heartthrob Leif Garrett. (Coming soon: the Shaun Cassidy edition!)

Glue – where you uncover hints leading to the retrieval of chemicals stolen from the Columbus, Ohio headquarters of the Elmer’s Company (manufacturers of X-ACTO).

Brisk – no rules except that you have to do everything quickly.

Oblivial Dispute – where you draw cards bearing discussion topics designed to elicit rancor. There is no winner; all players, their families, and the entire populations of their hometowns die.

Yachts, see! – where players discuss recreational boating, using the voice of Edward G. Robinson.

Chest – where players move plastic “boobies” across a field of squares. When you jump your opponent’s boobie he must say aloud, “Ach! You titted me!” If you reach the opponent’s side of the board, he must “boob” you by placing one of his boobies next to yours.

Chiggers – a camping-themed game to encourage appreciation of the Great Outdoors. You draw cards that help you acquire necessities like matches, sleeping bags and water for your canteen. But beware the Chigger Card; if you draw it you lose two turns while you extract larvae of mites belonging to the suborder prostigmata from your ankles. (You’d better have tweezers!)