When one’s spouse is bicoastal and one is home alone a lot, one talks to one’s cats. Sometimes I simply meow back when they meow, in a call-and-response that they seem to appreciate.

Here is what I most often have occasion to say to my cats:

1. Oh, hi there.
2. We’ve talked about this: no claws!
3. Yes, I’m gonna pick you up, then I’m gonna put you down (to the tune of Rick Astley’s  “Never Gonna Give You Up”).
4. No, it’s too early.
5. Jenny, get down!
6. Wassuuuup.
7. Ooh, yesss.
8. What?
9. All right, let’s eat.
10. See you later.